what a long strange trip

Posted: September 9, 2022 by Mo Crow in It's Crow Time
Tags: , ,

The path of heart is never a straightforward deal!

after a month of attempting to take two variations of high blood pressure medication and feeling totally strange and disorientated I said to the GP the drugs were not my way and asked my Tai Chi teacher for a transformational counselling session. It was a dance, she circled, I side stepped for quite some time til finally I allowed her into the heart of the matter, “what have I lost besides Old Man Crow?” I closed my eyes and felt deeply, searching and realized my third eye was closed, clouded with a saddened burnt sienna red! She helped me spin that cloud in my mind’s eye until it turned into a flame, in the centre of the flame was a diamond so I drew that and stitched it into the long cloth of grief

I started stitching this beautiful length of Japanese hand woven indigo dyed hemp on February 1st, it will take the rest of my days…

& have stitched and unstitched this Memory Keeper made from an indigo moon backed with red silk from Glennis Shibori Girl since the Equinox in March

On Monday with magical timing Susi Bancroft wrote “The ‘mark making of grief’ I would love to see. One mark or small step at a time and one day you will take that line for a walk – walks can be tiny steps to big leaps, side steps and take you in circles and even backwards sometimes…. “
Yesterday I took Free for a ride to the Wind Eroded Caves near Anvil Rock and made my first foray down the track down into the Blue Gum Forest from Perrys Lookdown

Magic Days!

Comments
  1. Barry says:

    MC – just sending healing vibes to you as you find your way through grief and a new chapter. B

    • Mo Crow says:

      (((Barry))) this morning I am feeling more whole in my spirit than I have since Roderick left the stage in January. I will miss him for the rest of this lifetime but there are so many good memories & I have his recordings to listen to, he wrote a line for every ocassion! Just reread an excerpt from “Earth Grief: The Journey into and Through Ecological Loss” by Stephen Harrod Buhner and loved this;
      “As Parkes says . . .
      ‘The process is difficult, time-consuming, and painful. It seems that emotional acceptance can be achieved only as a consequence of fine-grained, almost filigree work with memory. It requires what appears to an observer to be a kind of obsessive review in which the widow or widower goes over and over the same thoughts and memories. [However] If the process is going well, they are not quite the same thoughts and memories, there is movement – perhaps slow – from one emphasis to another, from one focus to another.’ ”
      There’s no rush and there’s so much yet to explore on this trip!

  2. Ah (((Mo))) – brave and beautiful

  3. jude says:

    We always have to search out the best medicine ❤

  4. Marti says:

    There are days we wake up with grief, and close the day with grief… times when it seems to always walk ahead of us until there comes a day when grief and memories walk side by side, until one day, Memories become our marker and the signs point to simply living as best we can…Time is the medicine…honoring ourselves by what we know intuitively will help and then of course, the land you call home holds such healing and love because my dearest Mo, your love is more than a memory and Roderick is all around…

  5. Faith says:

    (((Mo))) The Susi Bancroft quote and the photos of your beautiful “back yard” came together for me. How such a place must require small steps sometimes, and great leaps other times. And that both grief and place do not necessarily follow a simple plan of small to large, but the changing landscape of each determines the step needed.

  6. deemallon says:

    (((Mo))) your stitching — May it become the filigree of memory and bring peace. You are an extraordinary spirit and seem to have found a landscape as expansive as you are. May that too bring you peace.

  7. Eliene says:

    Today of all days I heard an old quote from Elizabeth R which is totally appropriate I feel. You, my friend are equally as regal and the quote was ‘Grief is the price we pay for Love’ and the love you and Roderick shared was immense. He was your Prince and you were his Queen. The space around you is huge and so was his presence so I do not think he is far from you at any time. How clever were you in taking a different route re your own healing.

  8. Margaret Johnson says:

    Mo, so lovely to see your Beautiful work and your Beautiful surroundings.I’m so glad you have those things to comfort you. Hoping you can get your medication sorted. Lots of love to you. Marg oxox

    • Mo Crow says:

      (((Marg))) thank you for all your encouragement over the years, you are such an inspiration & so good to see you are showing your beautiful work at your daughter’s new gallery!

  9. Martine Bos says:

    Mo…………. it’s all love and beauty……

  10. fiberels says:

    Stitch by stitch stories / lives are told . . .
    What a BEAUTIFUL country you live in, Mo !!!

  11. grace says:

    you live in National Geographic…..so so incredible a Place
    but the missing of the Old Man….
    i have a long friend mentor who has communication with those who are
    on the other plane…i hope he gives you a sign, if it’s “right” for him, the
    continued contact….a sign for it….
    I love you

    • Mo Crow says:

      (((Grace))) last weekend I had the most beautiful dream, Roderick visited me and it was so real when I woke up I was surprised he wasn’t there, then laughed & knew what I was doing with the Memory Keeper moon cloth, it’s moving right along since the healing on Tuesday & may even be finished by the Spring Solstice (your Autumn) , Magic Days!

  12. fiona says:

    Ah Mo, it is indeed the strangest of journeys. Your stitching is marvellous and a beautiful marker and companion. The wonder of the mountains is such a place to heal. I love those words on grief you have found – every now and again somebody gets right to the heart of the matter. Go gently, and go well.

    • Mo Crow says:

      (((Fiona))) I found that quote back on the 8th of December last year before Roderick left the stage, just discovered it again the day after the healing session, then this morning had a look at when I had first saved it… isn’t it funny how I have been groping around in the dark all year trying to feel my way through the layers of grief not realizing this thought was embedded all along & now I have a path to follow for the time I have left- stitching drawing twining knotting sketching carving holding The Filigree of Memory

  13. debgorr says:

    Finding a way… 🙂

  14. Liz A says:

    you have been so much in my thoughts … I continue to be comforted by your posts which hold such quiet joy in the land, even as they resonate with the sadness of loss …

    and I wanted you to know I got some red linen thread at long last …

  15. Beth from Still Life Pond says:

    Big love to you {{{Mo}}} Your photos so wild, but the hand rail! A lifeline of sorts. There are places in the Shawnee National Forest south of me where there are rock steps to go down into ravines. Vegetation is different but your photos remind me of it. These are healing places.

  16. Annie Enright Burns says:

    Mo you’re work is stunning and inspiring 💗 as is your vulnerability and honesty Thankyou for sharing 🙏 I really love your posts…
    Annie EBurns (we met @ India Flint’s Indigo workshop on Tambourine Mt many moons ago….) from SYBLUE currently in Fiji 🇫🇯
    Ps 💗the photos of your bushwalking too x

  17. Peggy McG says:

    Mo, you are surrounded by such love, may it help you heal one day at a time.

  18. I am so glad you are working through the grief and tumult of your life in such constructive and beautiful ways. I hope clearing your third eye will lower your blood pressure….I’m certain that the stitching on your cloth of grief will help too. Thank goodness for the expansiveness and beauty of your new surroundings. What a spectacular place.

  19. Hazel says:

    The stitches on the backside of your cloth make me think of all of the unspoken heart aching things that there are no words for…Dear Mo, you are your own best healer, oxo.

    • Mo Crow says:

      (((Hazel))) I am really good at distracting myself with circuitous routes exploring all those interesting asides glimpsed in dreams and out from the corner of the eye but this also means I’m often not feeling or seeing what needs to be looked at and felt, have just started reading Earth Grief: the journey through ecological loss by Stephen Harrod Buhner bringing attention to all those moments of disassociation…
      I do love the wildness of the reverse of the Memory Keeper Moon Cloth, I thought it was going to be a bag but that would hide the back so it’s becoming a cover, a holding place, a wrapper for a series of future moon cloths that have yet to be stitched, maybe they could be the pages of a book to be read with the finger tips from the front and the back a bit like last year’s “River of Moons”

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